Tips for Having Better Conversations.

Make stronger connections. Build Your Business!

Today we are talking about connecting with people through better conversations.

Not long ago, a friend of mine introduced me to his friend, let’s call him,  Steve

We had a nice hour-long conversation……well… conversation is a bit of a stretch.

The 60 minutes we were together I was the one asking the questions. I had one, perhaps two questions directed at me.

I didn’t mind. I was genuinely curious about this person’s career path and had a lot of questions for him. But still…

A couple days later the friend who made the connection told me he had just spoken to Steve and what a great conversation he had with me.

I had to laugh. Of course, I thought, Steve did all the talking.

Then I thought to myself…. I can’t tell you how many times I have gone to events and I’m the only one asking questions.

 What’s going on here? Am I the only person that knows how to have a REAL conversation?

……I don’t think so.

But overall, we are becoming a population increasingly focused on ourselves. It appears that our ability to connect with others is a skill we’re gradually diminishing

And we have been heading this way for a while – the pandemic and technology hasn’t done us any favors.

Why bring all this up?

Because in a world that is becoming more and more isolated, the person that can connect stands out!

This is good for YOU personally. It’s also good for YOUR business.

But making connections and having good conversations isn’t easy. I struggle with it all the time. It’s a skill. But like every skill…it’s something you can learn.

The gifted columnist and author, David Brooks has a new book.

 How To Know A Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.

Brooks points out there are two types of people: illuminators and diminishers.

Diminishers make others feel small. They learn one thing about you and make general assumptions based on that one data point. Not cool, diminishers.

Illuminators, on the other hand, are curious about people and, according to Brooks, have trained themselves in the craft of understanding others. They can ask the right questions at the right times so they can see things from

another’s point of view.

So, what are the steps you can take to better understand others?

It starts with having a good, balanced conversation.

Here Are 5 Truths To Having Better Conversations.

1) Listen Loud

This means along with listening to what the other person is saying, you’re making comments along the way. Things like, “yes” and “love that”, indicating that you’re listening. Each comment bringing you closer to that other person.

2) Back and Forth

Avoid long monologues. People tune out. Instead get some back and forth going on. Example: Think about running into an old friend. You ask something and the other person asks something. This is the kind of rhythm you want. And to get this, ask short questions. “Does this makes sense?” “Have you seen this to be true?” Listen for your answer then respond back. If the person says, Yeah this makes sense. You respond back. This back and forth has also been found to be successful with top performing salespeople.

3) Change up Your Questions

Instead of: What do you think about that?” Try, How did you come to believe that? According to Brooks, this gets people talking about their experiences on a deeper level. And gets them telling stories. And that is always magical.

4) Use Looping

Most people think they are clear when they are talking. They’re not. And when it comes to listening…well, we’re typically not good listeners either. Looping helps with both. And it’s simple to execute. Here’s how it works: I tell you something important – and you loop back to me what you just heard. This adds clarity. And clarity drives connection.

5) Ask for Specifics

For example, if I tell you my boss was yelling at me, Ask was it really screaming or just irritated? When you ask, the person needs to go deeper into the story. The deeper they go – the richer the conversation becomes.

There you go. Five tactics that could CHANGE YOUR CONVERSATION GAME. Now

put these into practice. Because the person with the most connections wins.